Hello guys, I’m sorry I skipped last week’s post and I know it has been a couple of days since my last update. December has definitely been kicking me in the derrière as I’ve been trying to balance work with life and Christmas travel plans. It was not an easy month and as you guys know I prefer to write a blogpost only when I know I have the time to post quality content rather than posting nonsenses.
In this post I want to share my experiences, and my tips, on how I keep healthy and durable long distance relantionships with my loved ones. As you may know (or maybe this is new information for some of you guys) I’m Mexican and I have lived in Switzerland for almost 2.5 years now. I know, I know, two and a half years does not seem like a SUPER long time, but it has been enough time to help me realize that family and friends are super important, they’re basically everything.
So this post is dedicated to those people whom I miss terribly. These are all the lessons I have learnt in the short yet excruciatingly long time we have spent apart.
Accept new people in your life
Once you move out of your comfort zone – it may be to a different country or town, maybe a new university, or even out of your parents house– you might need to make an extra effort to get to know more people around you. This can depend a lot on many factors, including the country, the culture, or the language of the place you are at. These aspects might be different from what you are used to, but try to adjust to your new life. Once you open yourself up to new opportunities and create a circle of acquaintances, friends and activities, it is much much easier to stop being homesick.
Give new people a chance! Just remember, everyone always starts out as an acquaintance. But most importantly, give YOURSELF a chance to embrace others around you and try to make them a part of your life. It might come as a surprise to you that you’ll compare the new people in your life to the ones who have basically always been there, but here is a golden rule I learnt the hard way: don’t compare them with other friends– each person has it’s unique way to show their love.
Don’t establish rules
We all want to spend time with our loved ones and making plans seems to be the way to do it. But don’t try to emforce a schedule on “when” and “how” you will communicate with those who are far away. We have an amazing advantage that no other generation has ever enjoyed before, we have social media and thank God for that.
It will depend on how far away you have moved, and if you have a considerable time difference– I for example am 7 time zones away from my family and friends. You must understand that sometimes it won’t be possible to answer messages or calls right away …. AND IT’S OKAY! My friends and I have adjusted through the years and have found that the easiest way to communicate is through voice messages. What makes these optimal is that you can basically share 20-minute long stories (yes I plead GUILTY) and your friends can listen and respond whenever they get a chance. It takes off the pressure of having to literally be there 24/7.
Take it easy, if you have something to share just write or record the message, and eventually you’ll get a message back. Trying to force people into a set communication system might work for a while, BUT believe me the day will come when either of you won’t be able to make it, and you might feel disappointed of a system you created.
Social media is amazing
As I mentioned above, this is a huge advantage in our generation, and it’s amazing how connected you can feel with those around you. Maybe it’s a message or a call, a tag on a funny meme, or just a photo on Instagram, you can almost instantly know what your friends are doing and I think this can make long distance relationships easier.
If you’re reading this you might already know that I’m really active on Instagram, I post pictures and stories every single day, and I love it.
I have the added fortune that most my friends are super active as well, but I do understad that some people might not like being on social media that much. So I do take a moment to send a voicenote or a message just to check in on how they’re doing in a more personal way.
People will change all the time, sometimes you’re going to be there to witness the moment, sometimes you won’t. Sometimes you’re the one that is going to change, and this might take people in different directions.
This too is also very normal, and sometimes it has nothing to do with the distance. With time you will realize friends that once where super close to you are now doing completely different things. I will just advice you to cherish the moments you spent together and be happy for them.
Who knows, maybe at some point you might be able to see each other again. I have a good example: Since I started lecorbeaublanc.com and Instagram account, old acquaintances from school have reached out to me and I have been able to talk to them more so than before. Maybe I’ll be able to see a couple of them now that I’m in Mexico for the Holidays. I wasn’t particulary close to them back then, but if today they’re offering me their time and friendship, of course I’ll accept it.
When you come back home
This is me right now while writting this post. I’m currently home in my room, a room that is full of memories like sleepovers with my friends, coming back from a party, midnight confessions… You know, the list goes on and on…
I set on my mind and in my heart that every time I’ll be back home, I will enjoy it. I’m going too see friends and family that will have the time to see me, most of them know I’m here, for those who are a little bit forgetful I did write them to remind them I was coming back for a few days.
I want to return to Switzerland knowing that I was able to spend good times with my friends rather than forcing people into seeing me just because I’m here. Some of my friends work so their time with me is much more limited, and some of them are on holidays with their families, and I don’t take it personally.
Early this morning I was brunching with one of my friends and she told me this:
”Sometimes we hang on things way too much. Sometimes it is a person, an experience, a certain place or a choice.
Enjoy what you have and enjoy what you’re living in the moment. Maybe you will get a chance to experience those things you cherish again and again, or maybe not. Maybe you’ll get that one thing you so much desired, maybe not. Maybe you’ll achive all of the things you expected, maybe not.
Let life surprise you once in a while. Don’t hang on in a hour, a moment or a condition. Live without waiting or being waited on.
Free from prejudices or anticipated ideas that might lead to unnecessary worries. Just live.
Work for the things you want, and do your best.
Say thanks to the opportunity of being with that one friend, that coffee date, that night out, that candlelit dinner.
Nothing stays the same, everything passes, everything transforms itself.”
Each relationship is unique
I still have another experience that convinces me every single day that there’s no distance or time that can separate friends.
For almost 7 years now, I keep a friendship that is quite unique, and at the beginning it was hard for people to understand. Seven years ago I met my now amazing friend thanks to her old YouTube videos. If I share this story now it’s like super normal, but believe me 7 years ago, everyone thought it was super weird.
Her name is Milena, a Russian girl living in Tokio. We used to Skype (when Skype was a thing) religiously every Saturday morning just like you will go and grab some coffee with a friend. We would talk about our schools, how our countries were different or similar, our friends, everything… After two years of friendship I visited her in Tokio, and it was amazing! Up until now it has been the one and only time we have ever met in person. I hope this might change in the future, but still Milena is as close to me as any other of my friends. We can’t Skype anymore on Saturday mornings but we still call each other quite frequently.
Proving all of what I have stated above.
I hope that this post might help you if you’re struggling with moving out/coming back home and can make your process a little bit easier. Remember, this is more easily said than done. Most of us are always expecting something, and it takes a moment to realize that only God’s timing is perfect.